Hope Is Renewed

The Same God  by Newsong

Back to the wall, scared you’ll fall
What you going to do
Day and night,
Don’t know why it’s like the worlds’ against you
You’re praying for a break through

There was a day
When your faith couldn’t be held down
God was near enough to hear every word
But somehow you wish He heard you right now
Don’t you know

The same God who was with you then is with you now
The same God who led you in will lead you out
So take all the fear and doubt
Go on and lay them down
The same God, the same God is with you now

Can’t you see
Everything happens for a reason
There’s a time, there’s a place
For every season
He knows what’s best for you
So don’t be afraid

The same God who was with you then is with you now
The same God who led you in will lead you out
So take all the fear and doubt
Go on and lay them down
The same God, the same God is with you now

Just keep holding on
Oh keep holding on

The same God who was with you then is with you now
The same God who led you in will lead you out
So take all the fear and doubt
Go on and lay them down
The same God, the same God is with you now

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  Hebrews 11:1

To me, this speaks of confidence that God will work everything out for our good.  I struggle with doubt when circumstances feel very uncertain.  But I think we need hope to have faith.  I think of hope as a glimmer of light in the midst of darkness that allows us to believe that there is something better ahead.  If we don’t have hope, nothing else matters.  Once hope returns, we need to grasp onto faith.  We can intellectually believe the truth, but being able to function in that truth is another matter.

Lately I’ve really been feeling depressed about our situation and the ongoing difficulty of the life we’ve been called to with very little outside support.  I’ve been looking ahead with very sad eyes as I haven’t seen anything to look forward to.  The only thing I have been able to see is commitment, hard days, perseverance, growth, etc.  But no relief in sight.  This is a hard way to live.  We are trying to live out what we believe God has called us to do in every major area of our lives.  We have a larger family than many. We have a strong conviction to provide our kids with a solid Christian education.  We were called to adoption and we followed through in obedience.  We function best and believe it is the best thing for our family to have my first priorities be managing our family and actively parenting our kids.  Working outside the home would take away from my responsibilities as a dedicated wife and intentional mother.  We made a commitment to do our best to live off of one income before we ever had children.  But there is a growing gap between our convictions and our financial ability to carry out those convictions.  We’ve been feeling a lot of pressure lately as we try to figure out what we’re going to do for the upcoming school year.

We’ve been praying about it and asking God to guide us and give us wisdom and lead us to the decisions that he would have us make.  He’s been pretty silent lately.  I can’t say that I feel LED to find more work outside our home, but I am feeling pressure to do so as I’m just not seeing another way.  I’ve been feeling more and more distant from God as I have been unable to hear his voice on these issues.  My faith has been weakened lately as deadlines get closer when decisions will have to be made.  We don’t have all the facts in yet, but we know there is a shortfall to continue what we’re currently doing.  We have sacrificed a lot over the years to keep paying for the education we deeply value at a school we dearly love.  But this is not sustainable with a growing family and the cost of private education increasing at a much steeper rate than our income.

I’ve become more and more discouraged.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a hard time hearing God’s voice.  I’d been crying off and on for about 24 hours by the time I heard the above song on KTIS today while driving my 10 year old van to our wonderful Christian school to pick up the kids today.  I can tell you that I HEARD God’s gentle voice speak to me through this song today.  I don’t recall ever hearing this song before today.  It spoke directly into my situation and God touched my hardening heart.

I also “ran across” a poem today from another adoptive parent’s blog (of traumatized children) about how loving a wounded child is a different sort of love.  Here is the link to that blog:  http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/2011/10/love-is-enough-in-adoptionbut-can-you.html  This also spoke to my heart as it resonated deeply within me.

Two dear friends reached out to me in very real, sincere, life-changing ways.  They helped me to keep holding on.

And a very caring, determined to help, understanding social worker arrived on my doorstep.  Our two hour conversation made a tremendous difference in my life today.  My outlook is different.  I have hope again.  I believe that more real help is finally on the way.  I know that God sent her specifically to come to my rescue.

And my sweet, faithful husband tenaciously petitioned our Lord on my behalf.  He did not let up until the breakthrough came.

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